A study in impermanence.
Living in twilight,
I am neither here nor there—
unrooted, uprooted,
by chance or by fate.
Gravity insists
my feet return to the earth,
even when my heart
is suspended between worlds.
I have been living this way
for nearly ten years—
through diagnoses and death,
through endings that became beginnings,
through transitions folded inside other transitions.
Finally, we are coming in for a landing.
And still,
it is the time between the suns.
The twilight.
The hour that refuses certainty.
In Jewish tradition, this is bein hashmashot—
the fragile threshold between day and night,
when neither has fully released the other.
It is a time held in sacred ambiguity,
treated as both what has been
and what is still becoming.
Perhaps that is why it feels so familiar.
The Zohar teaches that every day is created
with its own purpose,
its own particular possibility.
No day simply hands itself to the next.
There is always a crossing,
a bridge that must be walked.
Twilight is not an interruption.
It is the bridge.
It is where one life loosens its grip
before another can take hold.
We spend so much of our lives
wanting change to arrive cleanly,
decisively,
with clear edges and tidy conclusions.
But change rarely honors our timelines.
Sometimes it comes all at once.
Sometimes it lingers for years.
Sometimes we cannot move forward
because we are still speaking the language
of who we used to be.
Perhaps the first thing that must change
is not our circumstances
but our understanding of change itself.
Twilight teaches me this.
To stop asking whether I have arrived
and begin asking
how to inhabit the in-between.
The tender light softens everything.
It reminds me that silence is not emptiness.
That endings are rarely absolute.
That every heartbeat
contains both loss and possibility.
Here, hope and grief
sit beside one another.
Certainty gives way to curiosity.
There is room for what was,
and room for what is not yet.
The journey has never been
from darkness into light.
It has always been
learning how to live faithfully
between them.
Living in twilight,
I am becoming fluent
in impermanence.
With hope.
With grace.
With possibility.
With grief.
We continue.
13 Responses
This is so incredibly tender, beautiful, esoteric and meaningful for me today….A new grand baby was born early, several weeks ago. Today I held her in my arms and as I fed and held her, I softly wept grateful tears at the joyfulness of the miracle of creation. An hour later I received a phone call from a dear friend that she was diagnosed with a cancer that had spread and she was preparing for Hospice…..I will hold her, too….. in my arms and in my prayers, as she moves through her transition….Impermanence is a reality….May we each embrace the joy and the grief with hope, possibility and grace.
Dear Melanie, I just read your thoughts and I am overwhelmed at the beauty, loving words, expression of love and in between. We have known each other for a long time and it was wonderful and my hope is that somehow or somewhere we will meet. Your words are very inspiring for me. My wish is for you and family to be well and enjoy each day. Enjoy Good Heath, fun, memories, new ideas and inspirations. Time with family and friends. With love and gratitude
This is very beautiful Melanie. I wish you a wonderful transformation to your family’s new life. I know you all have transformed Kabbalah and Denver. Fondly
Beautifully said. Thank you.
Dear Melanie Gruenwald,
Very beautiful and very moving. Thank you for your authenticity and deep contemplations.
Blessings and Gratitude,
Clare
Such beautiful and meaningful words and so relevant
Kol Ha Kavod, Melanie. I am so glad our paths crossed in this lifetime. I will miss you so much. Someday, when I am on the east coast, I intend to visit. With all good will and love,
Francine
Illuminating poetry/
A place between Being and Non Being/
Where balance and unbalance coexist, and comes and goes.
The invisible space between the Yin and the Yang.
The Zohar
The Way
Beautiful…. Thank you for sharing 🫖
Thank you Melanie for the gift of these words. My wish is for you and your family to cherish this next chapter in your new home.
Melanie, This is magnificent. Truly magnificent.
Beautiful so glad I caught you in the twilight to begin my Kaballah learning.
Melanie, thank you for your beautiful words, conveying deep meaning to life and living. Thank you for being an inspiring teacher for so many. Wishing your family every joy as you embark on this new, exciting chapter ahead. Shabbat Shalom, Pam