by Dr. David Sanders
The Rabbis in the Talmud dedicated much discussion to the phrasing of words, the posture of the body and the timing of when to start or end prayers. In one fascinating discussion the Rabbis concluded that it is useless to pray for that which has already occurred. The first example they present as a âvain prayerâ is to seek a change in the status of a fetusâ sex. As the sex has âalready occurredâ it is not worthy to pray to alter that reality. Pray for the health of the baby as that is yet to be determined. DNA is set in stone.
The Rabbis extend the category of vain prayers to a person who is walking near their home and sees a fire engine pulling into the neighborhood and utters, âMay it be Godâs will that this scream not be from my house.â It is futile to pray because it has either happened or it has not. The implication is that prayer cannot change an outcome that is already determined.
This week I heard from family and friends a hopeful plea that the youngest hostages, Kfir and Ariel Bibas (along with their mother Shiri), taken to Gaza on October 7th 2023) were still alive and would be released. That hope was becoming more elusive, as children who were alive were to be freed first in the latest round of negotiations. The Bibas boys and their mother had not been placed on the list.
Prayers fell silent as it was announced that the outcome was as many feared and most expected. Their names were finally placed on the list but it was only their bodies which were to be returned for burial this week. For the Bibas family, Yarden, the father and husband, who was himself released less than a month ago, the fire of that pain will never cease. It will be an eternal flame of sadness.
When we hear that 1200 men, women and children were murdered on October 7th or that the death toll in Gaza is in the tens of thousands, many of them women and children, we know the magnitude of pain and suffering. The larger the number though the more incomprehensible. It is when the victims are no longer faceless, we feel the tragic loss of life. As hope was shattered for the Bibas family, we could begin to sense the enormity of the tragedy for so many families, a thousand-fold, ten thousand-fold. The face of the innocent, the fate of so many are in those sweet faces of Kfir and Ariel.
A prayer for what was determined: May they and all those caught up in the horrors of manâs inhumanity rest in peace. Saâlam, Shalom.
5 Comments
Esther Erman · February 20, 2025 at 6:57 pm
Having lived with extremely traumatized Holocaust survivor parents, I worry about the hostages. I am especially worried about Yarden, who’s survived unimaginable trauma only to learn his wife and sons were slaughtered. A prayer for him is doable. Might it help anything?
Michael Charney · February 20, 2025 at 6:58 pm
For me, prayer is about perceiving Godâs presence, nothing less.
Elizabeth Wilde · February 21, 2025 at 5:39 am
Late yesterday I heard that the bodies returned were not the Bibas family, but unknown people. I thought of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. I also thought of Holocaust survivors, of war refugees, of anyone who does not know the outcome of their missing loved ones. I ask the Holy One to help me love truly; to bear suffering for others to lessen their load; I sit in Divine Presence for renewal and strength. May there be Peace for all.
Melanie Gruenwald · February 21, 2025 at 9:17 am
Thanks, Elizabeth- Just to clarify, the Bibas babies were identified, but the remains returned as their mother, Shiri, were not hers, or any other hostage.
Jennifer Bloom · February 21, 2025 at 1:28 pm
Yes, it is with a heavy heart that we offer prayers of peace for the souls we have lost and the atrocities our people have witnessed, endured and experienced. I also offer an everyday prayer for what has yet to be determined: I pray for peace, freedom, sovereignty and healing for the nation of Israel, the land of Israel, the Israeli people and all people of peace and love around the world. May the soldiers fighting for the light and the hostages enduring the dark be sustained by Hashem and blessed by all who remember them in their prayers.